You Suck

There can only be so many things that make a newborn cry, right? Hunger, Gas, Shit, Piss, Pacify. I mean, he doesn’t want to go outside to play with his friends. It can't be that he wants an X-Box, and I doubt he understands the concept of an allowance. So if he is still crying after I have gone through all five of the checklist, then it can only mean one thing - I'm a bad parent. Yup, so incompetent that I can't even take care of the five basic needs of a newborn.

Now, consciously I know that this isn’t true. Nevertheless, my subconscious continues to reinforce the fact that I’m a failure. The internal voice which says “YOU SUCK AT PARENTHOOD” is further amplified in public. When Jackson howls for no apparent reason I immediately jump into action. I burp, I bounce...he bellows. I sing...he screams. His diaper! It must be his diaper. I check and change...he squeals even louder. My efforts are to no avail. At home, alone, my baby technique works, at least sometimes. When he cries I hear “Daddy, help me, I need something.” However, in public, the message in his voice changes to “Help me somebody, my father is obviously useless!”

I have expressed this feeling to others, and they explain that I am not useless...just nuts. “Relax Tommy, every parent goes through this.” I know this, and I understand that I’m doing my best. Of course Jackson will turn out just fine. Nevertheless, it is incredibly unnerving to know that you are doing the right thing, when your mind keeps telling you “everyone’s looking, and you SUCK!”