9+3

Jack: Hey Dad, What's 9+3?

Dad: What?

Jack: 12

Dad: Very good, how did you know that?

Jack: It was in my imagination.

Dad: (laughter)

Jack:  Hey Dad, What's 9+3+3?

Dad:  What?

Jack: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

Dad: Are you sure your only 4 years old?

Smarter than a 3 year old?

While in Key Food yesterday, Jackson and Nicole had the following conversation with the checkout girl:


Checkout Girl: (embarrassed) What is this?


Nicole:  It's Swiss Chard.


Checkout Girl:  Thanks...sorry.


Nicole:  No problem.


Checkout Girl reaches for next item


Checkout Girl:  ...and what's this?


Jackson: (astonished) Mom, she doesn't know what KALE is?

Pirates

Captain Dad:  ARGH! Captain Jack, me thinks Captain Dad would like a cup of pirate coffee.  Would you like some as well?

Captain Jack: Argh! No Thank You.

Captain Dad: ARGH! You must want some pirate booze! Yes?

Captain Jack: Argh! No.

Captain Dad: Then what do you likes to drink.

Captain Jack: Argh! Warm milk.   ...argh, and Captain Jack has to go pee.

Under the Table

"Look at me! Im uncle joey, I live under the house."

(My brother lives in my basement)

Book

Ooooooh Yeah!!!…Get Ready Kindle Readers! 

The ebook store is about to go from 1,404,463 publications to 1,404,464.  Although by the time I release it, it will most likely have surpassed 1,500,000 because there are programs that allow spammers to release thousands of books a day, further diluting the ebook world making the value of anything that I write even that much lower, which means I’ve wasted months writing a book that I could have hired someone from Banglore to write in between answering phones for Dell and taking long distance McDonald’s drive through order...BUT, that’s besides the point.

I’m writing a book.  More details to come.

Stay tuned…

Compliment?

While using neighboring urinals:


Jack: Wow Dad, your penis is long just like mine!

Clown

What can I expect when my desk has more toys than pens?

How Jack Wins Before 8am

7:00am

Jack:  I’m HUNGRY!!!!

Dad: I’m sleeping, wait.

7:01am

Jack: I’m STILL HUNGRY!!!!!!

Dad: Fine, what do you want?

Jack: I don’t know, let’s go check it out (runs into kitchen)

Dad: How about cereal….or oatmeal?

Jack: How about something else?

Dad: Well those are two options, this isn’t a restaurant.

Jack:  I know.  (runs to refrigerator) How about Strawberries?

Dad: Strawberries?  That’s it?

Jack:  Yep

Dad: fine

7:27am

Jack:  Your eggs smell good.  I’ll have some for lunch.

Dad:  Eggs for lunch?

Jack: Yes.

Dad:  Fine.

Jack: OK, it’s lunchtime.

Dad:  It’s 7:30!

Jack: Time for Lunch!

7:40am

Jack:  Thanks for the eggs Dad.

Dad:  Whatever.

Jack:  Can I have bread with Jelly?

Dad:  You just ate eggs and strawberries.

Jack:  But I’m hungry.

Dad:  FINE, but that’s your dinner and you can’t eat anything else today!!!

Jack:  Can I have a banana?

Dad:  I’m going back to bed, do whatever you want.

Escape

One morning, I hear a suspicious "clink" coming from Jackson's room.  Upon entering, I see the window lock on the radiator.


Dad: What are you doing?


Jack: I want to go out the window.


Dad: You can't go out the window!


Jack: But it will be sooo much fun.

Rhymes

At dinner tonight Jackson was playing a rhyming game.  The first word was "lad."


I prompted him, "what is the opposite of happy?"


"SAD!!!," Jackson replied.


"When I'm angry I'm..."


"MAD"


Finally, I said, "What do you call a little boy who is being naughty?"


"JACKSON!!!"

Good Morning Feet

I woke up one morning recently and Jackson's head was on Nicole, and both of his feet were warmly tucked between my ass and my underwear.

Jacksonism #204

"Daddy, How did Grandpa Stan make you?"